Nicky's Nuggets to Real Life Stress
I define "Leader" as one who has faced or faces many trials in life and yet gets up with a smile and hope. One who will lift others, encourage others, reassures others, and goes with the flow, will always sit at the front of the class if they know they get distracted easily, and will let the teacher know if they have something on their face so the other kids don't laugh at the teacher, They are a positive thinker, care deeply about others, and care more about the "go" than the "show".
Leaders don't travel to brag about their lavish vacation, but instead use it to create and connect with others that they would have never otherwise met. They learn a different way of life and bring back some of those experiences to not only enhance their lives, but those around them.
Here's the catch about leaders, they are often sorely and sadly misunderstood. They carry the weight of the world and the family on their shoulders and often do not tell a soul about their challenges. Often times the challenges are not even known until the problem and disappointment surfaces, maybe a wee late, but it's not a problem that is ever too big to be solved. Leaders do have down days, days where they just don't think they can keep going and will have a breakdown, but then suddenly they rise up and push faster, harder, stronger. They breakthrough the barrier and overcome their greatest fear day by day. Sometimes the fears cause so much procrastination that they get stuck in a cycle of paying attention to others so that they cannot pay attention to themselves. To Be Continued, but for now do any of these sound like you?
Are you a Leader?
If so, start identifying the ways that you anchor yourself in the morning.
Share with me your rituals.
Sign up for your StressLessSecrets Session right now by emailing "I'm a Leader" to email@example.com. This code is equivalent to a 100% savings of your StressLessSecrets Session.
Thanks for reading, sharing, and as always you can either be too blessed to be stressed or choose to be too stressed to be blessed.
StressLessSecrets Retreat October 16-18-, 2018 Lafayette, LA www.stresslesssecrets.com
Have you ever wanted something for so long and you thought that when the thing happened you'd be ecstatic? Right before that thing happened you stayed in faith, were patient, frustrated, felt left out of life, had breakdowns, and then each time the breakdowns showed up you thought you were much closer than ever before? Right before you got to that thing the breakdowns came quicker and quicker and you wandered where was the happy, upbeat, positive person you knew and why did you have another breakdown 2 days later? The win arrives and you feel so like "that's it?" Are you serious? I waited this long for this? Well most people do react to major life events with such fear that the happiness and celebrations cannot even happen.
Here are a couple of examples: I once heard this young adult and an older gentleman talking about the woman's first credit card that she got that day. He had a look of "oh boy" while trying to seem happy for her, and she was so thrilled. I thought to myself, (from my personal experience and a great deal of my clients who seek money freedom), I wonder if she will feel the same when the bill comes in? Will she still feel proud to be considered responsible, trusted, granted when the bills become more than she anticipated? How long will this feeling of excitement and gratitude go on for this company who did express a lot to her and it's now her chance to prove that to them.
Another example is: you save up for your "dream house" which becomes the house that fits in your budget and the bank says you can afford, you get that house and then a sinking feeling hits...what have I done? My mobile home was only $200/month or honey, we could just stay at my parents another few years, or now the fun begins with the remodeling bills and checks to write.
This list could go on and on. It's always the anticipation of the trip, the wedding, the graduation, that causes us the most stress and the most pain at the same time. You might see this happen a lot in lives or days of those who are highly competitive folks. The reply to me when they say I thought I would feel more than this and it's just like "nothing, that's it, I don't mean to seem ungrateful or spoiled, but I just thought it would be more". "Help me get through this so I don't wish it away and then something bad happens".
Well it may appear that they are faking the joy because can you only really celebrate with 30 other teammates jumping up and down, but you get home and all of the hard work now sends you into a grieving process? The truth is that patience tends to exhaust our emotions with having hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, and lots of other highs and lows from one day to another. Particularly, when you've been waiting for so long for this thing to be resolved. The facts remain that you are never finished and it's never done. Yes, it's awesome to have a vision with an intention of how you want to feel, but do not beat yourself up for not being as happy as you think that you should be. Allow yourself to think "is this it? what else is there to life? , why am I always let down?
You are let down because you believed that thing would make you feel more respected, more trusted, more responsible, more of whatever your deepest desire is. A resolve that results in instant gratification will only fulfill the moment, but appreciating the long journey and being persistent will fulfill your heart.
StressLessSecrets-Pick something small to be considered your win for the day, your win for the project, your win for the case, your win along the journey. The Small & Something way of life will reduce your stress, give you more confidence, and raise your happiness level. With your hand on your heart, repeat....just for this moment I choose to to truly feel so blessed and loved. Happiness lives in my heart, just for today. Isn't it wonderful to have enjoyed the highs and lows of whatever the thing is?
Let me know how you feel when you put the StressLessSecret into practice (just for this moment).
Sign up for your StressLessSecrets Session right now by emailing "I'm a Winner" to firstname.lastname@example.org. This code is equivalent to a 100% savings of your StressLessSecrets Session.
Thanks for reading, sharing, and as always you can either be too blessed to be stressed or choose to be too stressed to blessed.
StressLessSecrets Retreat October 16-18-, 2018 Lafayette, LA www.stresslesssecrets.com
Stress Managment Life Coach
One of the things that I teach my clients is money freedom and the various phases that one will go through to reach true money freedom. One of the things that they find fascinating is that they never knew it was or could be identified this way. The phases really help better understand where you are at and where you want to go. Once they identify some of the beliefs at each phase and how they are handling the money or lack thereof, then they can
Money freedom is defined as moving from a state of income allowance lifestyle to deliberately allowing of richness as a return of your experiences, gifts, and talents. There are 7 phases of money freedoms: 1) Income Allowance-credit approvals determine your haves and have nots, make decisions based upon income and expenses, budgeting for feeling of safety, 2) Shuffling-forgetting to pay bills, start acquiring late fees, overdrafts, and prioritizing payments based on urgency, 3) Melt Down-"I'm broke", broken down, regroup, 4) Rebuild-expenses get lowered, income goes up, or eliminate somethings, 5) URR-Unconventional Resources Revealed-Peace, Self-Trust, Small & Something Discipline Builders, 6) Money's Friend-Partner with money, ways to increase others lives, getting money to work for you, 7) Richness Allowance-Spiritual gifts are sources of unlimited income, use your mess to provide the message to others, and experiences formed your expertise.
With many new graduates set free into adulting I see and hear one of their big concern is the "I don't have credit". I do want to believe Dave Ramsey and live a cash only life. However, after going through natural disasters and not being financially prepared for it I realized the importance of the plan b for these plot twists. Have good credit as a backup in case of a true emergency. Yes, we did survive without it, but I have to tell you there were times that we got denied any help because of this. Insurance is not going to cut it for major catastrophes so set yourself up for all possible resources out there. Also, take one small step today with a long term vision of having perfect credit, cash in the bank, etc. Go through the phases and see where you land instead of being stuck fluctuating from 1-3.
Schedule your Complimentart StressLessSecrets Session so we can identify your first step to money freedom today.
I've got secrets to unconventional resources. It's your time to be rich, full of love, peace, and happiness.
Stress Management Life Coach
You: Hey, How are you?
Acquaintance: Girl, I'm so busy lately, I don't know if I'm coming or going?
You: Oh really, what are you busy with?
Acquaintance: I don't even know anymore [face begins to get less happy], I'm just soo busy with the kids, work, and I don't even know what else.
The reality is busy is defined by me as "Being Uselessly Stressed Yesterday". Most people who are too busy and have no idea what they are busy with because most of it isn't adding a lot of quality to their days. It's just work that keeps them from focusing on their gifts and works that the world needs. STOP It already. I don't know about you, but I want to create an unconventional lifestyle where busy isn't even a concept.
The way to do that is to focus on shifting from 1 phase to another while recognizing when the older phases sneak in. Time freedom is defined as Shifting from Being Busy to Deliberately Creating an Unconventional LIfestyle. These phases include: 1) BUSY (chaotic, restricted, obligated), 2) Struggle to Juggle (overwhelmed, frozen, time blocks) 3) Laxafocus (lackadaisical, lazy, lack focus), 4) React (Flight, Fight, Fainting Goat), 5) Organized (Relaxed, Productive, Systems), 6) Prioritizing (Responder, Unconventional Resources, Controlled), 7) DUL (Fun, Freeing, Fluid).
Do you want to have intention to move deliberately through the world, creating an unconventional lifestyle while allowing a gap to be able to respond to life's plot twist? Can you accept that life does throw plot twist because we cannot control the way others view us, react, mother nature, or many other punches in the face that show up? Can you prepare for them? Maybe not, but you can leave a gap to be able to respond and then to keep moving.
As I work with my clients they get to know early on which of these 3 Freedoms(Money, Time, or Relationship) are most important to them. At any given time the highest seeking priority changes. Without the clarity of knowing which one is truly the desired freedom at a point in time then decisions become very hard to make. From the decision of what to eat, what to wear, which event to attend, who to hang out with, etc.
I remember so clearly when my sweet Maci, couldn't even decide what to eat at Sonic. I, not getting any "mother of the year" awards got so frustrated and said "well, that's a sure sign of lacking confidence". My word it felt like eternity and she then she had a break down. We had been at the menu for what seemed like forever and I just didn't get what was soooo hard to decide. I'm sure she remembers the story different than I do, lol, I think she did eventually eat something then or later, but her decision making to menus is definitely better than it was when she was 16. Phew, I'm glad that we made it through that phase.
Now that I know better I get to teach others how to prioritize their quick decisions so that things like what to eat and wear doesn't zap the focus of what's really important. So one of the questions to ask yourself when you do know which freedom is most important to is "will ordering this get me closer to "time freedom, money freedom, or relationship freedom"?
If you are seeking time freedom then you would likely not elect to fix an 8 course meal for you and your family, but instead would decide something that doesn't take as long to prepare, eat, or clean up after. Now, if you are seeking relationship freedom perhaps you are hungry for a fancy, gourmet, luxury meal and you LOVE to cook and spend time in the kitchen. Perhaps, the washing of dishes gives you a sense of peace, detox, and purging. Eating a large meal and getting to spend time with layers of dishes is something that you get excited for. On the other hand, if money freedom is your desire then you likely wouldn't buy the filet mignon and lobster for the meal, but instead ground meat and a pack of crawfish tails near the end of the season.
The key is to know what it is that you truly seek. Here's a hint: it is almost never what you think it is. Only after I dive in with you can you truly know which freedom is the one that is top priority and then decision making becomes so easy.
Want to get to know your freedom seeking key quickly? Then Schedule your StressLessSecrets Session today
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By nature, we REACT! If you're a Laid Back type of person then you tend to be less reactive than a person that can be considered of the Anxious type. An Anxious type will be found cursing at a traffic jam, aggravated at the slow shopper pushing the cart, always in a hurry. The laid back person will be a little more go with the flow and find themselves on the receiving end of an anxious type. Neither are bad or good they just are the 2 types of folks that make the world go round.
During stress overload fight, flight or freeze is the natural go-to Stress Response aka Reaction. Most people react to situations, events, etc. Very few people leave time in their day to allow themselves to respond. Responding to something that wasn't part of your plan puts you in the driver seat and allows for solutions to show up. Reactions, on the other hand, can and often do add regret, guilt, disappointment, the need to apologize, or keeps you stressed while replaying the past events over and over.
One of my clients recently came to me hoping to find a solution not to experience a blow-up as she recently had experienced. In a state of panic and fear she was in a total overload of stress and regrettably yelled at her family in a blow-up scenario much to the surprise of her other family members.
Because she constantly seeks personal growth and always wants to do better we uncovered that her stress overload had a lot to do with disappointment to some events that were out of control , and to the undone things in the environment that had just been pushed and often overlooked physically. Here's the thing she made many justifications why it was okay that these things really never got done or completed in her attempts to be understanding of other most of the time, but her subconscious was totally aware of her burying the frustration and disappointment that the environment was a stimulus overload. A long list of just not finished items, as many of us find in our day to day lives, and a busy day with some new, although exciting, still new events that had just occurred.
Simple Solution was A) create a master Stop Putting it Off List then sit with her spouse to begin taking action together, hire the folks that are needed to be hired for specific tasks, and delete items that are really no longer of importance.
The tweaks of knowing that small and somethings are getting done has allowed her to relax and spend more fun times with her family. Relationships often get destroyed or at a minimum set back to a feeling of "stuck" when a reaction happens. Luckily for my client and her family she's got me to help Coach her to a new level in life with less stress as she begins to respond in a manner that leads to productivity and happiness.
If you want to be a part of the tiny percentage of the world who responds instead of reacts then schedule your Complimentary StressLessSecrets Session TODAY. Your Freedoms of Relationship, Time, & Money are waiting for you.
On the rare occasion when I do cook, you can bet you'll hear these words, "OMG, Mom cooked". I actually have been cooking or as my Mom called it concocting since I was really young. Being the oldest of 6 girls I really wanted to help Mom as much as possible.
I find it quite odd that I've only recently admitted aloud that I'm just not "homemaker material". Mom's response was "well, you never really were". LOL. I don't like to follow recipes, I like to create in the kitchen. Oddly enough my first job was at a bakery and I did do a very good job there. Don't get me wrong, I used to try to fulfill this whole role of working, coming home to make dinner, blahblahblah.
It was not my chosen way of life and now that I know better ahhhh, stressless is far much finer. It's just that for most of the year my Mom was the person who did all of the home things and then when we got older we had to "help". OMGsh did that feel like the worst, lol. I was a kid and just wanted to play, but here's the thing some of my sisters actually enjoyed cleaning and I just didn't get it. All that I wanted to do was to be outdoors, suntanning, riding my bike, hanging out with my friends, playing with my animals, or even mowing the grass, play basketball, softball, 4-H activities, or anything, but housework.
I do love organizing our home, keeping systems flowing for productivity, and ease of our days. I do not like to have paperwork around or even "sentimental" items for too long. I toss and enjoy doing so. These are some of the reasons that I'm able to get my clients out of procrastination and into action so quickly. I use my methods of how to prioritize to help organize their space and brains. Clutter and the whole idea doing what others think you should be doing are two of the reasons procrastination thrives and happiness dies.
The freedom of getting to live days on your terms and not ever hearing what others think about your life is so blissful. It took me years to get here as I do care about what others think and want others to like me. Please don't think that it can happen overnight, but I will share with you some of my StressLessSecrets so that it doesn't have to take you as long. Having support is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and your family. Schedule your Complimentary StressLessSecrets Session with me today.
Run Forest, Run
Stress Management Life Coach
Recently, I had the opportunity to get a “fish pedi". In great anticipation I just dunked both feet in and then wanted to flee so badly. Fleeing is my typical response. It’s sort of a “Run Forest, Run” experience. Anxiety kicks in and I have a strong need to get out of there. (Wherever “there” may be) when my stress response is in overload.
Here's the thing. The feeling of the need was just a want. It was a very uncomfortable feeling at first and then I settled in to enjoy the experience. The people stopping by in awe, my friend overcoming her fears, the fish feeling abundantly happy, and the delightful lady who enjoys her job and her fish. The result was that my circulation was getting a jolt, my feet felt so soft, and I survived the experience.
It was new experience, I had fun, and laughed a lot. Just being more playful than fearful was enlightenment to myself. It was nice to recognize that I overcame the feeling of wanting to run, knowing the fish wouldn’t or couldn’t chase me.
So, do you know your typical response? Are you a typical “fighter, fleer, or freezer”? Do you even know what’s your typical response?
Being more aware of your response can strengthen your internal “Guidance” and start guiding you to very different decisions which can give you a fresh start on your journey. Each and every moment can be a “fresh start”. So how do you know which one of these responses are your go-to when you perceive stressful situations, events, or environments?
A good rule of thumb is that the way you respond to this is the way that you respond to mostly anything that your mind and body perceive as stressful situations. So here are 3 quick ways to identify your response.
It is my intention that these secrets will help you start to relieve your worries about “the how” and strengthen your faith.
Van Wilder said “Worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.”
Worry and it’s emotions feed stress. Not to mention leads to one being diagnosed or offered to be put on medication for “General Anxiety Disorder”. Here are a couple of questions for you to gain a little insight if worry is a problem and contributor to your stress.
So you may have found yourself answering a resounding yes to 1 or all 4 of the above. What next? Have some fun and take out a sheet of paper. Split the paper into 2 columns. On one side you’ll list Fear and on the other side you’ll title it “Faith. On the fear side you will list your worry as such, “What if I can’t buy my kids Christmas gifts?, on faith side-What if I win some prizes that could be gifts, what if I get more than enough savings on some gifts to get more than expected, what if not all activities require gifts right now and more money comes in? As you worry, you are to use the Fear/Faith activity and pay attention to how you feel when you come up with the faith based responses/possibilities. If you’re going to “What-If” make it count!
A simple solution to clearing your mind before starting the Faith side is to set a timer for 1 minute in a quiet space and just focus on your breath. At first, a minute will feel like eternity and you may not even get to make your brain quiet for 20 seconds(don’t panic). As with every muscle that you intend to strengthen, with practice and small and something steps you will get to over 20 minutes rather than 20 seconds.
A couple of weeks ago I could feel a lull in my energy surfacing upon rising. I couldn't attribute this to any particular mile marker and put my "Sanity Kit" in high gear. Fun music, journaling, moving around, but mostly I needed to be alone because I was not in a pleasant mood to be around others. I sent a message to my Coach saying that I needed a session asap., I reached out to my Husband and asked for prayers, and talked with my Mother-in-Law and Mom about my tears that surfaced a couple of times that day. Surely most of them were likely surprised because I'm usually upbeat, optimistic, positive, and hopeful. I also had a really important workshop that I was presenting at and needed to get this breakdown up and out. I gave myself permission that day and was truthfully looking forward to the tears to be released.
You bet that it happened, but only after I had gotten angry. So here's what led to my breakdown...CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL. August 2016 we left our home because of the Great Flood and have yet to return. I felt so broken and just so tired of what seemed to be fighting a losing battle. I allowed myself to have this moment, but then I found the breakthrough. I realized that I had to trust this process, believe that it was all sorted out, and regain focus on how I work with and help others. So I took care of myself and then I had even greater energy to take care of my health and well-being. My sessions with my clients were so powerful and one even said that she felt like she had a healing that had taken place.
The moral to this share with you is the importance of getting to hear what our body is telling us and taking the right action to heal to be your best self for you and others.